"Never take a person's dignity: It's worth everything to them, and nothing to you,"" - Frank Barron Preserving one's dignity is the implied meaning in the expression, "to save face." In conflict resolution, mediators look for ways to allow parties to save face or rebuild their image in order to resolve a dispute. In today's Mindset Monday video, Ashley Virtue shares why treating others with dignity and respect is not only the right thing to do—it's also the smart thing to do.
- It's important that when you're approaching someone that you may have a conflict with or that you have to have a difficult conversation with that you think about ways ahead of time to give them an out so that they can save face during the conversation. A couple of suggestions that might help you do this would be, approaching them at the beginning and saying there's something that I think you might not be aware of and I want to talk to you about it so that you're not accusing them of anything. Also making sure that you talk to them about things in a private space so that they don't feel like others are involved and they have to save face in front of them whenever you're going into a conversation with someone where emotions may be escalated or defense mechanisms may go up. Be thinking ahead of time about how to strategically help them save face that way they'll be able to approach you more genuinely and honestly to troubleshoot.
Giving someone constructive feedback can be a little tricky. In today's Mindset Monday video, Ashley Virtue shares a few tips on how you can make the conversation less awkward and more productive.
Paul Bowers reminds us all that it's easy to turn an aquarium into fish stew versus the other way around. Social media is very easy to destroy and disruptive. Bowers reminds us all to be mindful of how we treat each other online.
"Yes, and..." this is a phrase that everyone should include in their daily conversations. Here's why... The word ""No"" is disruptive - it doesn't promote anything and it shuts down conversations. To keep a conversation moving, Paul Bowers shares a trick he learned from improv.
Want to learn how to communicate better? Remove this word from your vocabulary to see how it changes your conversations.
- Today I want to talk about "buts" no not those kind of butts. I want to talk about the word "but". It's really the kind of word that we should all try to remove from our vocabulary as much as possible and here's why. How many of us have ever been in a conversation with someone who says something along the lines of, "I really like the work you're doing on the marketing project but I'm wondering how much time we have devoted to the development project?" What happens when you hear, "I really like the work you're doing on the marketing project but" is that immediately you sink to negate the whole first part of the sentence because clearly whatever they're saying to you was just to pave the way to this other criticism. So try instead to replace the word "but" with the word "and". "I really like the work you've done on the recent marketing project and I'm wondering how much time we have dedicated to the new development project." See how that sounds completely different? So go ahead and try replacing the word "but" with the word "and" and see how it changes your conversations.
The ‘this then that’ thinking is a very common pattern that we all fall into time and again, and it’s important to be aware of any judgments we might make about what someone believes. Just because they believe in one idea, does not necessarily believe in another. If we make it a habit to never assume and always ask, we can avoid conflicts due to presuppositions.
- So it's pretty common nowadays to hear people openly discuss maybe political ideas or movements that they support without even really needing to be prompted and so oftentimes we hear you know someone might support a certain idea and we're tempted to make a judgement about them kind of thinking oh well if this person believes this then they must believe that. Maybe one example would be if you heard somebody talking about owning a gun, you would automatically think that person is against gun control or that someone who might have immigrated to the U.S. is automatically against tighter immigration laws. So that kind of this "then that mentality" is really common and we all fall into it from time to time but it's really important to be aware that any judgments we might make about someone else it's just that - it's a judgment. It's an assumption. Just because someone does believe one idea it doesn't necessarily mean they believe in another and so if we make it a habit to never assume and always ask people, we can avoid conflicts due to presuppositions and assumptions about people. So keep that in mind as you're having conversations when you learn little facts about people. Dig deeper to find out more, don't just make assumptions about what you think you know about them. Thanks.
Do you or someone you know tend to always put themselves on the back-burner? Ashley Virtue, Dir. of External Relations at the National Conflict Resolution Center, shares why putting yourself on the back-burner can turn into a big issue.
With the recent March for Our Lives movement, younger and younger Americans are now voicing their opinions on the divisive issues that are affecting the country at the moment. In this episode of Mindset Monday, Ashley Virtue shares tips on how we can become mentors for civil dialogue for future generations.
Have an open office space? If you answered yes, here are a few tips on how to thrive in a communal workspace and avoid conflict.
- communal workspace more and more of us are discovering that we are somehow connected to communal workspace a lot of companies are opening up and doing large areas where cubicles or people are working next to each other or folks are renting space at communal work areas or maybe you even just go to Starbucks to work for a few hours a day but the idea is that we all have our individual preferences it was our work environment and the idea of communal workspace is getting kind of forced or encouraged on more and more of us which could be a hard adjustment but it doesn't need to turn into a workplace conflict if you are in a situation where you're dealing with communal workspace go into it knowing that you're gonna be encountering others who don't have your same work style they may not be as clean as you or they may be way more clean than you they may have different noise levels at which they talk on the phone or habits like tapping their watch while they're working these are things that you're gonna have to go into knowing and also acknowledging no one's doing it to purposefully upset you but the other thing about communal workspace that's important is the communal part the community part and especially the communication part remember that if there is something that's not working for you there's a way to approach others you're working with to talk about it chances are they're not even aware of the fact that it could be something that's bothering you and if you don't approach them in a really confrontational way but instead a really nice way that's looking for solutions they'll probably be able to accommodate you so don't let it build up address them before it happens and also be prepared if someone needs to address you about one of your work style issues it's all part of working in this community environment also think about the positives of that there's a buzz and an energy around projects you're in the know on certain things and you have the opportunity to maybe make new friends that you wouldn't have made so don't always focus on the negative either make sure you look at the positives of those things
National Conflict Resolution Center Local Peacemaker award recipient and San Diego attorney, Elizabeth Lopez, shares how talking to people from other places, including countries other than your own, can give you new perspectives Lopez was selected for her pro bono immigration work with individuals fleeing persecution in their home countries and seeking asylum in San Diego and Imperial counties.